OK so how was the second day of my 12 twelve weeks (and I am bound to loose count of the days although some dont, day number is irrelevant, they meld in a brain like mine. But there you go, back to how I went today and what did I learn!
No exercise, I ended up taking a sleeping tablet because I hadn't slept a full night in weeks and it wasn't helping my disposition. It is like now I have been diagnosed with depression I can give into the need for a good night sleep. I woke at 6.10am and it was raining so unfortunately there just wasn't time for a work out if I was to make my 8am appointment. No people, not an excuse, try no sleep or broken sleep for weeks and see if you dont finally succumb to the need for a full night without waking. This full night's sleep has made me tired. I will live and I may even excercise while I watch telly later, it wont be a run but it might be some step ups, we will see how we go.
Food: aaahhh, we all know this is my weakness but this is where I learnt a valuable lesson today. I ate a great yummy low cal breaky (oats and blueberries = favourite) and lunch was a plate of vegies left over from last night (no sauces or extras, just the delicious vegies), snacks involved an apricot, a nectarine and a handful of grapes. Serioulsy good so far! Dinner was fish and vegies (barramundi mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm makes me happy). So you see this would easily fall below my 1200cals BUT then came the interesting bit.
My hubby had bought some easter eggs, mini ones, for the kids and Miss 10 asked for one so I said as long as I could have one too, she gave me two and I knew I needed more, it was like a bloody addiction, I did not want to stop. Weigh in tomorrow guys so where was my self control? Out the window, thank God there was only two of the evil eggs left so Miss 10 had one and I had the other. Three damn mini chocolate eggs. Works out to be about 110calories. So figured out my daily total to 1178 cals but even though it still came in under the 1200 I needed to know that I cannot stop when I have started chocolate. There is no point having a treat in the house for a bit here and there when I have the calories up, when I open chocolate I eat to the end. If I ever get control over that I am going to be so happy. Can I say that chocolate of the mini egg wasn't even that nice, I was waiting for the yummy chocolate feel and it came and went so quickly it was hardly worth it. Lesson learned, do not start chocolate, do not buy chocolate and pray to God that the hubby learns not to bring chocolate into the house. Please Please Please let him learn that.
Michelle Bridges is a wise woman when she says do a kitchen makeover, unfortunately my hubby didn't think it applied to him. Buggar.
UPDATE : did the advanced lean and fit day one workout. Bet my butt hurts even more tomorrow.
My 12wbt Round 1 2011 goal
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Day 1, Round 1 2011
Well, after all the damn hype and preparation you would think I would have done a whole lot better with my eating on day one of 12wbt.
So exercise was out because after eight days straight I needed a break and I was in massive pain in my bum and thighs from my hikes up that damn Wild Horse mountain. No idea why I did it so many times except that I thought I could and I did thanks to my friend Kimberley who kept me going when I wanted to surrender to the mountain. And the thing about keeping going is that you feel so damn good about having kept going. So almost four goes at it and only short on the last one by a about 20metres and I can live with that because I didn't realise it would be so hard.
And the eating yesterday wasn't the best. Kind of the last chance mentality, which although it didn't lead me to chocolate, still was not a great attitude when it came to Kimberley's Anzac biccies (OMG they were good). But all things considered it could have been a whole lot worse, not like I ate junk food or lollies or stupid things, just my friend and her daughters cooking which I enjoyed every mouthful off and life is too short to be in constant denial.
And so today I ate an ok breaky and it was only 223 calories so I had quite a few up my selve. Dinner was devine being chicken with roast tomato, aspargus and assorted vegies with this delicions mustard sauce. Holy cow that was good. It was only another 282 calories so I am on a roll but what about the middle of the day? Man I am so ashamed at myself. I should have prepared but it all went wrong. We were all supposed to take food to share, one was bringing salad, one was bringing breads and I was bringing fruit. I could have wangled the calories around that but there was no salad, their was a delicous slice that had pastry and sliverbeet and eggs and romano cheese. Too scared to work out calories there. And there was homemade fruit cake, oh dear Lord where was the bread. And so I ate because the meeting went from 10am to 3.30am. It was morning, afternoon tea and lunch combined as one endless scrumy lunch. Now I can hope I didn't go over in calories but my tummy is screaming full full full so I doubt I did myself any favours.
Buggar, bum, shit! Moved the water closer to me several times to try to stay in control but food surrounded me and I was a goner. So much work to do on my excuses and my will power. I am off to a really bad start. We can only improve and hopefully that will be sooner rather than later. I have plenty of left over vegies from tonight for tomorrows lunch. Much better option. Stay away from the food Ruth.
God only knows what Michelle would say. I can say I was diagnosed with depression today so I am now fighting a whole lot more than emotional eating. Anti-depressant nedication can be a killer for weightloss. It could be a tough round.
So exercise was out because after eight days straight I needed a break and I was in massive pain in my bum and thighs from my hikes up that damn Wild Horse mountain. No idea why I did it so many times except that I thought I could and I did thanks to my friend Kimberley who kept me going when I wanted to surrender to the mountain. And the thing about keeping going is that you feel so damn good about having kept going. So almost four goes at it and only short on the last one by a about 20metres and I can live with that because I didn't realise it would be so hard.
And the eating yesterday wasn't the best. Kind of the last chance mentality, which although it didn't lead me to chocolate, still was not a great attitude when it came to Kimberley's Anzac biccies (OMG they were good). But all things considered it could have been a whole lot worse, not like I ate junk food or lollies or stupid things, just my friend and her daughters cooking which I enjoyed every mouthful off and life is too short to be in constant denial.
And so today I ate an ok breaky and it was only 223 calories so I had quite a few up my selve. Dinner was devine being chicken with roast tomato, aspargus and assorted vegies with this delicions mustard sauce. Holy cow that was good. It was only another 282 calories so I am on a roll but what about the middle of the day? Man I am so ashamed at myself. I should have prepared but it all went wrong. We were all supposed to take food to share, one was bringing salad, one was bringing breads and I was bringing fruit. I could have wangled the calories around that but there was no salad, their was a delicous slice that had pastry and sliverbeet and eggs and romano cheese. Too scared to work out calories there. And there was homemade fruit cake, oh dear Lord where was the bread. And so I ate because the meeting went from 10am to 3.30am. It was morning, afternoon tea and lunch combined as one endless scrumy lunch. Now I can hope I didn't go over in calories but my tummy is screaming full full full so I doubt I did myself any favours.
Buggar, bum, shit! Moved the water closer to me several times to try to stay in control but food surrounded me and I was a goner. So much work to do on my excuses and my will power. I am off to a really bad start. We can only improve and hopefully that will be sooner rather than later. I have plenty of left over vegies from tonight for tomorrows lunch. Much better option. Stay away from the food Ruth.
God only knows what Michelle would say. I can say I was diagnosed with depression today so I am now fighting a whole lot more than emotional eating. Anti-depressant nedication can be a killer for weightloss. It could be a tough round.
Friday, February 18, 2011
TGIF
Really what can you say on a Friday except that it makes me happy to go into a weekend. Even a bigger blast now that the weekend has started. So my day in review and my commitment to the secret goal of 68kg.............
Eating, not so bad, not perfect but still under 1200cals so making up for it now with a few prunes. I am not really sure about how Michelle Bridges feels about prunes but I always thought them to be relatively harmless and fill the need for something sweet which I have tonight. I've eaten quite a few now and I really should stop so I will, um after two, no be honest three more.
Exercise, well that was way cool. I ran 5.75km this morning smashing 471 cals and getting it done in 43 minutues so averaging just under 8km/hour. Not bad and if I can increase my distance and that timing I am set for my 10km on 20th March. This is goal 1, to run the 10km twilight run. booking made, time to train.
Secrets to my success:
1. Music helps me run, seriously, I sprinted the last 500m because the music MADE me. Music is very very healthy in many ways.
2. Repeating '68kg how bad do you want it' makes me run faster and harder! My heart rate actually peaked at 184 in that last sprint, that last desperate attempt to get to 68kg yesterday!
OK, eating over for today, 68kg means quite a bit to me!
Tomorrow Jason starts with the PT and begins to move in a new direction, thank God, he is enjoying seeing the weight come off now he has given up the soft drinks.
I get to do my first Redlands bootcamp.
LIfe is good if you dont count work.
Eating, not so bad, not perfect but still under 1200cals so making up for it now with a few prunes. I am not really sure about how Michelle Bridges feels about prunes but I always thought them to be relatively harmless and fill the need for something sweet which I have tonight. I've eaten quite a few now and I really should stop so I will, um after two, no be honest three more.
Exercise, well that was way cool. I ran 5.75km this morning smashing 471 cals and getting it done in 43 minutues so averaging just under 8km/hour. Not bad and if I can increase my distance and that timing I am set for my 10km on 20th March. This is goal 1, to run the 10km twilight run. booking made, time to train.
Secrets to my success:
1. Music helps me run, seriously, I sprinted the last 500m because the music MADE me. Music is very very healthy in many ways.
2. Repeating '68kg how bad do you want it' makes me run faster and harder! My heart rate actually peaked at 184 in that last sprint, that last desperate attempt to get to 68kg yesterday!
OK, eating over for today, 68kg means quite a bit to me!
Tomorrow Jason starts with the PT and begins to move in a new direction, thank God, he is enjoying seeing the weight come off now he has given up the soft drinks.
I get to do my first Redlands bootcamp.
LIfe is good if you dont count work.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
No good, very bad, ugly day
I exercised this morning and was disappointed that I only killed off 245cals doing Michelle's supershredder workout. This tells me I am now a lot fitter than when I started and even though I was working hard I must have more in the tank. Or maybe I am just a whole heap fitter. That's good news I guess.
I ate well, didn't over eat, was under 1200cals with all the appropriate nutrients, no chocolate, no nasty snacks, no junk. That is good news I guess.
I lost my temper, big time, really big time and I realised I have been snapping all week at work at home everywhere but none the less 'loose my temper' holy shit, I dont do that. I reckon meanness is going to get me every bloody time and I have been working and living with mean for a few weeks now and so I snapped. I feel like shit, not because they didn't deserve it, because they are nasty to me everyday so even if I got this one wrong they are still mean to me (rolling eyes and not saying anything to me no matter what I say can be interpreted as 'mean'), but because I let myself get really pissed off. They demanded an apology so I gave one but it wasn't sincere, now of course I am sorry I snapped, it wasn't right and there is always a better way. And one was tantamount to calling me a lier and after saying that she said I was unprofessional both of which just made me angrier with them. And with the apology they both stormed off and didn't even accept it anyway. Blah, who is umprofessonal now. I feel like crap. On the downside I would usually turn to food, on the upside I didn't do that. 68kg, is it worth it to me, yes yes yes.
But the repercussions will come, they always do. So I owned up to my boss, I apologied to those I snapped at but still there is a culture of bullying here and so that means this is not over, not by a long shot.
Sux to be me right now.
I ate well, didn't over eat, was under 1200cals with all the appropriate nutrients, no chocolate, no nasty snacks, no junk. That is good news I guess.
I lost my temper, big time, really big time and I realised I have been snapping all week at work at home everywhere but none the less 'loose my temper' holy shit, I dont do that. I reckon meanness is going to get me every bloody time and I have been working and living with mean for a few weeks now and so I snapped. I feel like shit, not because they didn't deserve it, because they are nasty to me everyday so even if I got this one wrong they are still mean to me (rolling eyes and not saying anything to me no matter what I say can be interpreted as 'mean'), but because I let myself get really pissed off. They demanded an apology so I gave one but it wasn't sincere, now of course I am sorry I snapped, it wasn't right and there is always a better way. And one was tantamount to calling me a lier and after saying that she said I was unprofessional both of which just made me angrier with them. And with the apology they both stormed off and didn't even accept it anyway. Blah, who is umprofessonal now. I feel like crap. On the downside I would usually turn to food, on the upside I didn't do that. 68kg, is it worth it to me, yes yes yes.
But the repercussions will come, they always do. So I owned up to my boss, I apologied to those I snapped at but still there is a culture of bullying here and so that means this is not over, not by a long shot.
Sux to be me right now.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
already complacent!
So I have this new goal in mind, it was going to be 70kg which is the goal I want to achieve but I have a secret dream goal of 68kg which gets me into a healthy BMI which would be way cool and when I was running this morning I actaully was pushing myself "is 68kg worth it?" hell yeah and so I ran harder and faster! Good work! So can anyone tell me why I ate dips and buiscuits in the arvo, apple slice and then three fruit buns plus my three meals????? Anyone? Just fuck fuck fuck! Why is it when I exercise I am committed 100% but when it comes to eating I talk myself into all sorts of things. Like today it was 'ah but kickoff isn't until Monday' and 'today was weigh in, you can get it off before next one'. These are really negative ways to think and I would be better off saying things like 'is 68kg worth it?' which it is.
This is not emotional eating, this is opportune eating, the food is there and I eat it. No wonder kitchen make overs are so bloody important, nonetheless this food was not at home.
I am driving myself nuts and now have to find yet more solutions to these ridiculous excuses. I want to achieve on this round of 12wbt, this is the one I want to get to my healthy bmi with. Sux to be eating all the time. I need more SELF CONTROL and I have no doubt that will mean more SELF ESTEEM!
This is not emotional eating, this is opportune eating, the food is there and I eat it. No wonder kitchen make overs are so bloody important, nonetheless this food was not at home.
I am driving myself nuts and now have to find yet more solutions to these ridiculous excuses. I want to achieve on this round of 12wbt, this is the one I want to get to my healthy bmi with. Sux to be eating all the time. I need more SELF CONTROL and I have no doubt that will mean more SELF ESTEEM!
Monday, February 14, 2011
it was a chocolate day, but it was MY choice!
I wasn't sad, I didn't feel bad, I wasn't blaming anyone, I just felt like a bit of chocolate and I enjoyed every mouthful. Since my calorie count to that point was under 700 cals and since I am not eating any more tonight I will live with my choice. At least I have come a long way and can truthfully say I could have said no but I choose to say yes, for now given my low calorie count. I will wear the cost.
Now in the meatime I have discovered that if I hit 68kilos I will fall in the 'healthy bmi' range. My goal was to get to 70 but now I am thinking, since I am learning so much, I could really do that, it is achieveable, this could be my goal! A healthy BMI!!!! Not fat but healthy. Of course I may find myself a little to thin, or worse a little too baggy of skin but for now I reckon it is a goal worth trying for.
Today I diarised. I really diarised. I dont think I did this in previous rounds, it was kind of more of an 'of course I will' but this time I did it for real including booking in that mini milestone 10k Twilight run on 20th March. I really did it! I am going to do it and I dont care if I have to crawl I am finishing. So damn exciting. It took me all afternoon but it was worth it. I put in my work stuff too so I know where I am and when I am working weekends, I can see each month at a glance and therefore will be able to put in more as I want to. This is cool.
Hey Mish, I diarised and that is cool.
So next stop is measures. Anyone know where my tape measure is? Totes Whateves, I will get a new one if I have too.
Look out healthy BMI I am chasing you down!!! I feel so much stronger in myself this round, I am coming into it with such a huge breakthrough I really feel like I am in control. It had to happen. I expect setbacks, breakdowns and breakthroughs. The journey isn't over, it is just beginning.
Roll on 12wbt kickoff.
Now in the meatime I have discovered that if I hit 68kilos I will fall in the 'healthy bmi' range. My goal was to get to 70 but now I am thinking, since I am learning so much, I could really do that, it is achieveable, this could be my goal! A healthy BMI!!!! Not fat but healthy. Of course I may find myself a little to thin, or worse a little too baggy of skin but for now I reckon it is a goal worth trying for.
Today I diarised. I really diarised. I dont think I did this in previous rounds, it was kind of more of an 'of course I will' but this time I did it for real including booking in that mini milestone 10k Twilight run on 20th March. I really did it! I am going to do it and I dont care if I have to crawl I am finishing. So damn exciting. It took me all afternoon but it was worth it. I put in my work stuff too so I know where I am and when I am working weekends, I can see each month at a glance and therefore will be able to put in more as I want to. This is cool.
Hey Mish, I diarised and that is cool.
So next stop is measures. Anyone know where my tape measure is? Totes Whateves, I will get a new one if I have too.
Look out healthy BMI I am chasing you down!!! I feel so much stronger in myself this round, I am coming into it with such a huge breakthrough I really feel like I am in control. It had to happen. I expect setbacks, breakdowns and breakthroughs. The journey isn't over, it is just beginning.
Roll on 12wbt kickoff.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Finally beginning to see the light
So I bought the Crunchtime book (already had the recipe book which I use all the time) and I began to read. Holy Cow, how does the beautiful, skinny, fit Michelle get inside my head again and again, now in book, twitter, forums, podcasts, again and again. She is one amazing woman.
I think I had a break through moment yesterday.........I think (actually I am certain but lets go with think for the readers) I play the victim. Now there is a big part of me worrying about failing, even after the massive weight loss last year, even though I am still moving and eating right. I mean I might not be loosing but neither am I gaining. So not sure about that. Nonetheless it is time to man up to my victim stuff. Afterall, I am letting myself be the victim when I emotionally eat because I felt shitty, had a bad day whatever and I blame Jason for bringing the food in the house in the first place. If only it never came in at all. Even so, as I write this I have an overwhelming desire for chocolate, not because the day was bad, on the contrary, bootcamps make for awesome bloody good big buscuit days. I love bootcamp days. Looking forward to another next week.
I am overweight because I overeat
I overeat because I can blame it on anyone but me and get away with it, or better yet not even be found out. I overeat because I am weak, I blame it on a situation rather than take control. I overeat because it feeds my delusion that I am a victim. I turn to food when things go wrong because it is a way of punishing myself, to fail is to fail, it hurts but sometimes I dont feel worthy of winning (anyone say victim?). I care, I really care. I hide my eating so as to pretend to myself it is not happening and I beat myself up because I know I can do better. I haven't put weight back on this time because I am learning and I have been taking a lot better care of myself since Mich gave me the 12wbt. Time to find another way to deal with crap.
I absolutely commit to the 12wbt and intend to follow it as closely as I can to maximise my weight loss. Getting the healthy bmi is the goal.
I must control all emotional eating and it starts today.
Boot camp was awesome smashing 700+ cals, eating was controlled today and definitely stayed under 1200cals. I love it when I get it right.
I think I had a break through moment yesterday.........I think (actually I am certain but lets go with think for the readers) I play the victim. Now there is a big part of me worrying about failing, even after the massive weight loss last year, even though I am still moving and eating right. I mean I might not be loosing but neither am I gaining. So not sure about that. Nonetheless it is time to man up to my victim stuff. Afterall, I am letting myself be the victim when I emotionally eat because I felt shitty, had a bad day whatever and I blame Jason for bringing the food in the house in the first place. If only it never came in at all. Even so, as I write this I have an overwhelming desire for chocolate, not because the day was bad, on the contrary, bootcamps make for awesome bloody good big buscuit days. I love bootcamp days. Looking forward to another next week.
I am overweight because I overeat
I overeat because I can blame it on anyone but me and get away with it, or better yet not even be found out. I overeat because I am weak, I blame it on a situation rather than take control. I overeat because it feeds my delusion that I am a victim. I turn to food when things go wrong because it is a way of punishing myself, to fail is to fail, it hurts but sometimes I dont feel worthy of winning (anyone say victim?). I care, I really care. I hide my eating so as to pretend to myself it is not happening and I beat myself up because I know I can do better. I haven't put weight back on this time because I am learning and I have been taking a lot better care of myself since Mich gave me the 12wbt. Time to find another way to deal with crap.
I absolutely commit to the 12wbt and intend to follow it as closely as I can to maximise my weight loss. Getting the healthy bmi is the goal.
I must control all emotional eating and it starts today.
Boot camp was awesome smashing 700+ cals, eating was controlled today and definitely stayed under 1200cals. I love it when I get it right.
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