Mini Milestone Weekend

Yes its been a while, plenty of ups and downs with a damn weight gain of 100g and I was working out like a damn demon but of course this means my eating was dreadful. And it was, kept using the old excuse that I was working it off anyway which I did but not quite all the way! Dumb week. But I knew it was time to rein it all in and so thats what I am trying this week. Hubby and me are giving up pepsi max this week. Dont know how long it will last but so far I have gone 24hours. I am drinking a ginger ale though because I needed something sweet and my tummy hurts. Probably not helping. So I am living in an eating clean week and hoping I am exercising enough.

I ran my twilight fun run 10k this afternoon as my mini milestone. Weather was a little wet which kept the temperature down which was important given we set off at 3.30pm. I have never ran more than 1 hour before, never ran more than 7k before so this was my biggest challenge yet. To finish a 10k race! Of course to finish first you have to start and I was kind of in a little world of my own, stretching, listening to the crowd and then it was time to get the ipod going and next thing we are getting the "go" and I jump in the air, not from fright but from sheer exhileration! And I was happy, I was smiling and I felt the smile and I was so damn happy to be running. When I got a stone in my shoe I did not stop, when I was busting for the loo I did not stop (well not until I got to the 6.5k mark and I needed water but not without a loo break first) and there was a time that a stone and a full bladder would certainly have been an excuse to give up but I didn't. I kept going and when I got to the 7k mark in 52minutes I was feeling ok so I kept going and a young man fell into pace with me and we ran together to the end. He kept me going even when I was thinking I had gone far enough. I ran another kilometer and I was still under an hour. I could not beleive it but then I came to a hill and I just couldnt get up it, my chest was hurting, I wasn't sure why so I walked up that hill, I walked less then 100m in total so I am happy with that. And then I passed 9k and I realised it hurt more to walk than to run and so I ran. All the time this young man stayed with me and sometimes he would run a bit ahead and walk and I would catch up and we would run together again. I thank that man from the bottom of my heart and wonder if I would have had the motivation to keep going had he not been beside me. In the last 10m he shot foward to finish and I saw him turn around and wait for me! He gave me a high five and then we parted ways. How damn lovely was that.

My time was 1hour 13minutes. That is not the official time but the time that showed on the clock as I ran through the finish. There was a few more seconds attached but I figure it took me a few seconds to get to the start line. Anyway it will fall around that time and I am damn happy with that. All I wanted to do was finish and my aim was to do that in 1hr30min. Very very happy.

So my thanks goes to Michelle Bridges for believing in me and telling me I can (12wbt is the best program ever and does so much more that weight loss), KimberleyM for always being there beside me in spirit (she is an absolute champion and an awesome training buddy), SusieD who inspires, supports and encourages (and was there at the end and found me! how cool is that), my dear friend Angela who encourages and inspires me, my beautiful personal trainer Andrew de Angelis who enourages me to go a little harder, and my husband and children who are always there to cheer me on and my dog who runs with me when I train and is a pretty darn good training buddy too.

My life is truly blessed.

I lost my damn post

Shit, there I was talking about really important shit only to have this damn thing loose it all. So pissed right now!

So what was I trying to say??? I think it was about giving up after my 100gram loss last week and having a sick kid in hospital, being depressed and over tired and not getting the exercise in because I was immobilised by my own depression and realisation I was never going to be perfect at this, my perfectionism was feeding my depression and I was ready to give up. It was a shitty shitty week and was not helped by loosing this post. I am so pissed right now.

Anyway, so I spilled about my tragic run on Saturday, trying my hardest to get back into the exercise I set off at 5pm as I need to practice running in the arvo anyway for this damn twilight run. Oh man it was bad. Well it didn't start that way, I had been running for over 30minutes and travelling well, felt good and still had fire left in my legs but that is when my bowels decided to open up, with no warning, in public whilst running. I hate hate hate being old, or getting old anyway. No control, this is what you all have to look forward to! I was devastated and embarrassed and tried ringing the hubby for a rescue which didn't come because he didn't answer. I somehow squelched home, tired, embarrassed and miserable. What is a girl to do, may as well give up, nothing was working.

Sunday I put on these shorty shorts, not tight short shorts but loose, comfy shortish shorts which covered the excess skin that hangs from the thights but showed off these muscular defined golden brown legs. Legs Michelle Bridges helped my uncover from the tree stumps they used to be. Legs that were made possible for the 12wbt program. So like I am inspired by these legs, they are damn hot thank you very much. Not sure when that happened. And can I say that the photo competition this week should really include a photo of my legs! Just saying, they are inspirational.

So I looked at my legs and I thought 'aren't these worth keeping going for, do you really want tree stumps again?' and I dont. I dont want tree stumps, I love these golden brown muscular shapely legs that somehow have been uncovered on my body. Very cool. Time to find time to exercise.

but again I woke this morning overtired and unable to get out of bed despite an early night. I was struggling. I came home from work and went for a run! Yes I did. I ran for 33minutes doing a run I have never run completely before today because the hills kill me (or do they?) and I came home to hubby cooking the 12wbt pork dish! Oh yeah baby. And after dinner I did the 12wbt advanced week three Monday outdoor workout in my lounge (yes you can do that).

Who the hell thought turkish get ups were a good idea? I had so wanted to give them a go but by the fourth one I was struggling. how the hell I managed three sets of fifteen is beyond me. Please lets not have them again soon.

So under 1200cals, a run and a workout. Am I back on track? Only time will tell. I have to work more late nights this week so not overly hopeful about the exercise but I shall perservere.

I have great legs!

the day before weigh in and all through the land........

we were worrying about whether we had done enough! Had we exercised enough, had we consumed the right amount of all the healthy foods available, had we eaten any no nos and what would the weigh in day show.....oh we were worrying, at least I was and yet I have been almost good. Almost!

Finally did some exercise today, so damn hot thought it would kill me but of course it didn't. I turned on that Tight Toned and Terrific dvd for Michelle to egg me on and enourage me. It gets easier each time but those damn push ups and tripush ups are designed to hurt me every damn time. Can anyone keep up with those? Anyway it is done and I could have done more but it is late and I am glad to have done something. I always think if I did cardio the night before weigh in I would get a better loss but that is not the way the 12wbt program runs, Tuesday is toning day! So I toned and lifted those damn weight and have shaky arms for my trouble. I know that in the long term I need this to build the muscles to boost the metabolism. I know it but sometimes I worry it is not going to be enough. Seriously after three full rounds you think I would trust the process by now. I trust Michelle, I dont trust that I have done enough. When did the goal become so damn important to me???? aagghhh, so much to learn.

Eating, well it was red flag day! I new we were doing yumcha for lunch so I just had stewed apple for breakfast, dinner was chicken and vegies with a smidgeon of the yoghurt dressing which left bloody yum cha. Where I could remove the outer layer I did and I ate nothing that had been fried. Lets hope I did enough to have lost some weight.

Let you know tomorrow!

Its blogging time! We are off with week 2

Ahhh, week two is here and so is heaps more delicious meals thanks to Michelle Bridges and her taste testers! I do love the meals on this program.

I kind of only ate about 800cals today cause breaky was only a banana, morning tea and afternoon tea was a few apricots (fresh!), lunch was mountain bread with roast beef, tomato and salad leaves and dinner was not naughty nachos, no light sour cream for me. A very clean day and I dont feel hungry at all. I do feel tired though.

For exercise, after missing my SSS (sorry Michelle but kids in hospital do put a spanner in the exercise works), I did a 9k run/walk/whatever, just kept moving really for 1hr and 23mins. Not happy with the time but it was damn hot, didn't set off until 9am and did all the hilly bits first up, the first 30minutes I ran anyway, after that it was just about getting to the end and I saved the running for the shady bits. Thank God I took water. My HRM isn't working so I do not have an exact figure but I have no doubt I was over 700cals making it a very very low calorie day.

Good for the weightloss but probably not good for the muscles. I was going to do another workout tonight but I just dont feel like it now. It is getting late and I need to sleep. Had a headache today too, perhaps from exercising in the heat or stress or both. Who knows but my head does not feel like it belongs to me and right now I wish it didn't.

Blah, it was an ok day in the scheme of things.

No good, very bad weekend

So how did it go to pot when we were on track for the best 12wbt weekend ever? It starts and ends with depression.

Saturday morning I was so very tired still so I decided to take the day off training and eat clean, which I did, I even did it well and had a treat meal out which I did not have the chips with so kept me under the 1200cal line. It was pretty good all around and I got my shopping done for this next week and all was well. Then we got home from dinner and all hell ripped through my home as Miss nine decided to take ill, very very ill and she was being rushed to hospital by my hubby for a long night in Emergency and short stay wing at the Children's hospital. I didn't feel like binge eating, I was so damn worried and scared. I managed to get a little sleep last night!

No bootcamp for me, no exercise today at all because I was off to swap with hubby on the hospital sitting shift. Yes, I sat all day with my daughter. Food choices were limited to fatty or sweet, I picked sweet, I can do sweet better than fatty but still I have no doubt I have over calorified myself today as a result. Just did not feel like making the good nachos tonight so we took the prawns for tomorrow nights dinner and hubby cooked them up and tossed them in a salad. No idea what that was worth calorie wise but it was better than most things I would have done a year ago eg. McDonalds! I have come a long way since those days.

Upside is Miss nine has made a full recovery and was released from hospital at 4.30pm today.

So damn tired, do you know how tiring it is to sit and do nothing or read or watch telly, I get less tired climbing mountains and doing bootcamps, wonder why that is.

A whole weekend without exercise! Blast. I missed bootcamp and that made me sad but there will be other bootcamps, there is only one baby girl!

Day 5 of week 1 and we are off

We are off to a flying start I guess. Today I just wasn't that hungry, unusual yes but kind of glad I dont have the over full feeling of yuck. Only had a banana for breaky, grapes for morning tea, some of the left over brocolli bake for lunch and a pizza for dinner. A few diet soft drinks and that is it for me today. When offered more I just didn't feel like it and so I passed. This is good for me but also a little strange, usually I would eat it, usually I would feel hungry after so little. I better not have lost all appetite due to meds, that is a side effect for some. That will not aid in muscle recovery so that I can keep training. Michelle is quite clear on the nutrients needed and I need to follow that if I am to succeed this round. But I am tired........it is all overwhelming at the moment. I need to take this day as a win rather than overthink things.

I went for a run this morning, not successful as a runner, I did 23mins before feeling tired and needing a break, I had used a lot of mind talk to get me that far. The chest was painful and the legs still hurt from the night before. So on the way back I did runs, walks and sprints at different intervals. All up it took me 45mins to do about 6.5km. Better than nothing but I know I shouldn't have run two days in a row. Still running does make me feel good so I am going for that. Not like I don't have a lot of fat still to burn! Working on it.

I love my muscles! Just want to say. Sometimes when I doing a push up I look at them. Sometimes I rub them and squeeze them and flex them. I love them! I have muscles in my arms, all through them. They look awesome and make me feel great. I have these saggy bits (often refered to as tuck shop arms) but they are my trophies of the weight I have lost, I wear them with pride and when I flex my muscles I know I have put in the hard yards. I love muscles!

It was a good day really. The HRM is not working so no idea how many cals I burnt but I reckon I was under the 1200cal mark anyway so probably was a low cal day for me after exercise. I should be happy but I am so damn tired. Take nighty night tablets tonight to get some good sleep. Master 8 has been sick the last few days so I am letting him sleep in my bed, all the more reason to take the nighty nights!

I really hope I snap out of this soon because the family and house need me.

what happened to weigh in day?

You would think that if I lost weight on weigh in day I would want to get on here and tell all how good that feels. Make no mistake a loss of 1.1kg in a week does feel good. It is the right direction, it takes me back to my finishing point last round at 79kg and, being below 80kg, is a very good feeling. I am happy about it make no mistake.

So why not get on here, or the forums, or facebook or the telephone and why eat a third of a tub of frozen yoghurt. Why do that after a low calorie day which was less than a 1000 cals at that point. Why didn't I exercise? Why do the wheels feel like they are falling off? Becuase depression bites and the meds are making me an insomniac and getting up is hard and I feel heavy and tired all damn day. so I went to bed early in the hopes I would get up and work out.

I am finding the whole idea of the advanced program a little complicated to manage right now. An excuse yes but I really just needed to run this morning no matter what the program said. Running is a no brainer, you just get out there and run, no counting sets, no order or sequence of exercises,just running to music which speeds you up and slows you down and one minute you are sprinting and the next jogging and the heart rates goes up, comes down, spikes, comes down but always hovers on that magic 150 beats a minute, that magic calorie buring, fat reducing beat. And that is who I am, I am a runner who still feels fat and would run forever if I could because it makes me feel good about myself. So I want to feel good about myself, I want to run.

The anti-depressants are making me tired and unable to sleep. But I was not hungry, I didn't overeat. Had my lovely oats with blueberries this morning, grapes for morning tea, salad from last night with added tuna for lunch and hubby made the brocolli bake tonight. Delicous (with left overs for tomorrow lunch). This is a good food day. Yes there was a black coffee, two pepsi maxs and one coke zero and a herbal tea in there and a litre or more of water. The drinks may need improvement but I need some caffine if I am to keep working feeling this tired. Diet drinks may not be great but I am forgiving myself. Chocolate is worse? Possibly.

So a long day at work, a run this morning, clean eating and doing weights while in the squat position for about half an hour this evening has nackered my thighs, then some crunches (but on the couch just cause). I reckon that was a good 12wbt day. Come on 68kg!!!! Depression is not going to stop me from getting there, I cannot let it.