My 12wbt Round 1 2011 goal

Friday, July 15, 2011

Oh Dear God in Heaven, what am I doing to myself?

Yes it was the milestone day today and so I took up the challenge of a duel workout, cardio boxing followed by the hill workout (from hell). No idea what possessed me to think this was a good combination but egged on by my 12wbt training buddies I felt indestructable. Nothing was going to stop me, I was going to do it. And I did but I have never before today, worked out to the point of wanting to vomit and worked out to the point of crying! Yes I cried. I was so so so emotional, not scared, not sad just I have no idea now, just fighting a brain that wanted to quit and a mind that wanted to finish. I was fighting an internal struggle I have never faced before.

Now I have done triathlons , a 30k kakoda hike, a 30k bike ride, run 3ks non stop, then 5ks non stop, then 10ks non stop. I have worked out with Andrew at bootcamp, Mark at cardio boxing and Mase at Zenergy AND with Michelle Bridges at end of round 3 2010. I have worked out by myself, with others, with trainers. A whole gammitt of training, in numerous ways and places BUT NEVER HAVE I WANTED TO VOMIT AND NEVER HAVE I CRIED before today. Never, ever, ever worked out like that before. I have no idea what happened, I hurt everywhere, I cannot beleive what I accomplished. I cannot believe what I did.

The game was to work as a team with one other person and to run after Mase the trainer and get either a black ribbon (40 reps of squats and pushups) or a red ribbon (20 reps of squats and pushups) and then see who got the most. It was about a 5km run in total. My partner and I got ribbons to the value of 46 which totaled 920 reps of each. We shared the reps between the two of us. We ran down the hill then we ran up the hill and the whole thing was done in about an hour. Now in the last 1km I was "chasing" down Mase and I use this term loosly because I had nothing left in the tank except a whole world of pain and a fear of never getting to the top of the mountain. I was in asthma and I was pushing through because asthma, running and push ups and throw in some rain and I was hurting in my chest in ways that others may well not understand but I wanted to finish. My stomach was in knots and I was sure that vomiting was not far off. My clothes felt tight and I wasn't well. Mase was just in front and I was in pain and I looked at him and he encouraged me on and I realised if I caught him that was 20 more pushups and 20 more squats and I knew I just could not do another push up, I could not breath and that is when the tears come and I begged him not to let me catch him. I had so wanted to the rest of the time, zoned out and running, not really caring if I caught up or not, just running. But this time I couldn't run, I felt like I was going straight up hill, my chest hurt and the idea, the thought, the agony of another push up, no matter how badly formed, was terrifying to me. And with the tears came more difficulty in breathing and the ground became slippery and then Mase said it is just a little way more, just round the corner. My mind went back to Kakoda and I remember that just one more hill, just round the corner, not much further bullshit we spouted to spur us on to the end and it made us laugh then but not this time. So I didn't believe Mase, I thought he was full of crap and I couldn't catch him, I didn't want to and I was crying and in pain and scared and even thinking about it makes me anxious. I ended up unable to breath and having a bloody panic attack. And then there was the sound of HER voice, calm and slow and rythmic and her soft calm eyes and my breathing came back and the pain subsided and I could move on, somehow slowly, at times on all fours, sometimes crawling but I did make it up that fucking mountain! With my 12wbt training buddies who I have come to love and respect.

I am, without doubt one of the luckiest people alive because I can do that kind of training, I have the support to finish it and somewhere inside there is a part of me that knows I am strong enough to do it.

I am a 12wbter and this is a whole new life.

Calories smashed - who cares
Friends identified - forever!!!!!!
Blessings - many!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. Ruth

    What an inspiration you are. I'm not brave enough to do Mt Cootha, but I like to think I 'might' get there one day.

    It sounds like it was very confronting for you today - especially after EFFING boxing, but what an achievement your SSS has been today!

    It sounds like these challenges are just what you need right now and the support from the 12WBT gang is something I hadn't imagined but something I appreciate SO much.

    Congratulations again!


  2. Ruth,

    I'm so inspired!!! Well done you!!! I'm off to do my first ever 10km run tomorrow at Run Melbourne, your spirit and your words from today's post will be with me every step of the way. I'm am strong enough to do it!

    Tiz xo