My 12wbt Round 1 2011 goal

Friday, June 24, 2011


Life has been a bit hard for me of late and who do you think I took it out on??? How many excuses do you think I used and didn't fight??? Oh dear God in Heaven, why have I let myself get so out of control???

So right now I am working 9, 10, 11 and 12 hour days and I am mentally, physcally and emotionally exhausted. No exercise because I struggle to get out of bed for work let alone to get out to actually look after me. The cold, my asthma, my exhaustion, my need to start many excuses can one girl find??? I have found and am using them all. And it is easier to give my excuses credance when I am so much skinner than I have been before in my life (well since being a teenager and pre four children). The ultimate excuse, I don't need this anymore. Yes, right and that is why I signed up for my fifth round of 12wbt, because I didn't need it anymore and if this logic was true I would not be one kilo heavier than when I started this round of 12wbt. No amount of JFDI is working for my excercise. Even this morning, when I wasn't going to find an excuse I did, my head hurt, my heart hurts (get to that bit in a sec), it was cold, I could exercise this arvo, my house is a mess and I need to clean many more excuses did I just find??? Holy shit my life is one big excuse.

Now my biggest issue, after work and sick children is that yesterday my running buddy went to hospital and may never run again. This is a blow I cannot even begin to describe, she is my friend and she is always there for me to run whenever I want to go, she never says no and she never has an excuse. She is my dog, Kai! She is a red kelpie who is around 9 years old and yesterday an old injury flared up and now she is unable to walk and the vet says her running days are over. This is a bit of a blow to my head space. How will this dog ever be happy without running? She may have to be caged for three to four weeks and this is the good news, dread to think what the bad news may be this morning. But for her, a cage!!!! That is breaking my heart. However, I didn't use that as an excuse to binge, no I had plenty of other excuses for that over the last week but I didn't use Kai as an excuse last night.

So why did I eat six cream and jam donuts the night before? Why did I eat three chocolate bars the night before, why did I eat cheese and bicies until I was puttin on weight again? Why why why did I think any of that was ok??? My excuses, well this is my dinner! My dinner!!! Who bloody eats chocolate for dinner? I was at work until late and it was all there was to eat (true enough but seriously chocolate and donuts). This was binging at its worst and there is no doubt that a chocolate and donut dinner is binging, three of one, six of the whose world would that ever be right. And this was after weigh in when I weighed a kilo more than when I started, it wasn't even before that. Tired, busy, cold, kids, illness..........did I leave any excuse out. So how would binging and no exercise help any of this? In fact wouldn't exercise and eating right help more, make me feel better, empowered, stronger.

If I do not get my head back in the game all is going to be lost, I will put it all back on and, from that, there will be no coming back.

Michelle Bridges I am sincerely sorry that I stuffed up. This was me, this was my head space BUT I can come back from this. I can and I will. Oh a little teary now! I am not about to put my life at risk again with all that extra weight. As of today I recommit to you and the programme. It is Saturday morning, I shall clean house and lunge and squat my way through it. I will not gorge on useless food but rather find food that fuels my body to do awesome things. I will get through this one day at a time and I will recommit everyday. Food diary is back up and running!


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Your Greatest Support

So I have this husband who I argue with a lot BUT he loves me. I know this because when I said I needed to try another weight loss system he said give it a go, when I said it cost $200, he said you are worth it, when I asked the second, third, fourth and fifth time he never waivered, he said yes, absolutely. Now there was a few times when he said I was beautiful just the way I was and I didn't need to loose the weight but then he recognised that is was important to me so he said yes, you are worth it. He didn't stop there though. He predominately makes most of the meals and he embraces them, adapting when necessary to a gluten free diet, and he is good and he is getting better at cooking and his food is awesome. And even on top of that he brags about me to his friends and now, even some of them have joined the program, so he is out there telling the world just what an amazing difference the 12wbt has made to our lives. To add to this he takes me to training sessions, supports me on the finish lines of fun runs, cares for the children to make it possible for me, supports my 12wbt friends and families. He is, what everyone wants in a partner, my suport, my rock, my comfort and I am blessed to have him in my life. He is not perfect, no one could be, but he is everything I had no idea I needed.

My kids! Holy cow they dont even recognise me from a year ago and even less so from two years ago. Who is that mummy they ask when they see a photo of me. Sometimes they run with me, or ride by my side when I run, they are there at the finish line, they cheer me on. I love my kids. Mind you, last year Miss nine was a little worried she would be eating vegetables every night for the rest of her life, now she accepts that that is the way life is.

My dog, she runs with me every time I ask. No fuss, no complaint, just company.

My 12wbt friends for life (Kimberley, Susie, Karen, Angela), my 12wbt training buddies (too many to name but I just adore team Calderwood). These are the people that make it fun to turn up to training and to challenge myself with. I truly love this part of my life and everyone in it.

There is the wonderful Qld Crew on facebook and yet more 12wbt family on the forums.

All of these people, inspire, love and support me. I am truly blessed.

Kath wants to know:

about your physical strengths.
Holy Cow Kath, what physical strengths? Is that being able to run 10k nonstop (on a good day that is and not when in asthma) in an hour and ten minutes. Which could be nothing to others but to someone who never ran a year ago is pretty awesome. Or is it that I can do a bootcamp, stay in the advanced group and nail it! Everytime? Or is it that I hiked up and down hills for 30k and didn't give in to myself? Or that I have had a go at a triathalon, am nailing Mish's dvds where I never used to keep up, or that my life is full of running, catching and carrying children where before I couldn't keep up. Oh to see the muscles in my arms and legs, I love them.

about your mental strengths.
Not sure I have this either except I have never given up on the 12wbt program, and it has got tough and I could have given up and sometimes I have slips and the old me would have had to give up because I am not perfect. The new me is more realistic, the new me takes responsibility for my own health and fitness, the new me embraces everything 12wbt. The old me never lost weight and thought I was a lost cause. I am so worth every effort I put in to make my life better. So the fact that I have done all of the above is testiment to how strong my mind and my willpower have become.

the habits you have that make you strong
I dont know if I have habits that make me strong. I have habits that make me me! I am strong so that, philisophically speaking should be enough. But if I am absolutely honest about this it is all in the organisation, diarising, staying true to my word. Habit? or way of life?

what it is about you that makes you the fighter that is inside.
Am I a fighter? Well lets see I have been described as a 'dog' but I think she meant 'dog with a bone' which I call tenacity! I dont give up on things that matter. It just took me a while to realise I mattered. In fact it took 12wbt to make me realise I am as important as everyone else I fight for. So now I fight for me, for my family, for the things that are important. I do that because I care about others and I want life to be as good as possible for everyone. Not to wipe out sadness but to celebrate life and happiness.

Now if I am truly honest I became this way because I had to fight for everything as a child. My parents raised us to have a 'stiff upper lip', to 'never give up', to do better than 'try', to never say 'cant', and they never ever let me win. Life with my parents was a fight, not always pleasant, but enough to teach me the way I dont want to be and the way I do. I was taught to be strong by two people who had had to do it on their own. They showed no mercy; a blessing or a curse?

what prepares you to fight these 12 weeks now to make you extraordinary.
Seriously, the 12wbt program is what prepares me to fight to make me extraordinary. The tools are there, the support is there, the challenges are there, Michelle Bridges and her team are there. This prepares me for anything and everything in my life. This program has shown me what I am capable of and, quite frankly, I think I have only tapped the surface.

I dont see myself as inspirational, I see myself as being supportive, confident, happy and a little bit mad. I see myself as the me always wanted to be and I did it with my family's support and Michelle Bridges 12wbt. God Bless her.