It's not as easy as I thought it was going to be

It isn't like 12wbt is a magic pill and the weight just starts to drop off. And I am sitting back thinking and letting the excuses come one by one. OK so this morning I woke with a headache, I went to bed with a headache and I woke in the middle of the night with a headache so I didn't exercise this morning yet again. but this time I figure reason not excuse because an increased heart rate would only make the damn headache a migraine. So you would think I would eat clean and be ok with me but of course NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I really hate myself right now. I did yumcha at lunch which is a bit of a mistake all of its own because I eat too much. But then I got back to the office and my pepsi max had disappeared from the fridge (who bloody steals a can of drink from a colleague?) and it just pissed me off. So while looking all over the fridge I found icecream and I decided to get my own back twice, and a jelly and oh looky there was chocolate too. So why did I do that, why eat it? what the hell was I thinking. I was upset and angry and tired and I just didn't think at all. I never heard myself processing what I was doing logically, I was just feeling upset and the food seemed like pay back BUT the only one who got hurt in this was me. I lost my drink, I ate too much, I ate the wrong things. I hurt myself with all of this and I am pretty sure I deserve better.

It has been hard to write this entry. Hard to admit that I am letting myself down. Not really understanding why I am doing it. What has got into me? What is it that I need to move forward. Michelle Bridges where is the bloody magic pill???? What have I missed. Why am I letting myself down. Where is my break through moment because right now I feel like crying and I am pretty sure that is not going to help me much.