Oh yeah, the day got better and worse and better and worse and life is truly a roller coaster but it is not supposed to be all of that in one day. As I reflected on this morning's post I was left wondering still as to what exactly my problem was but I did know that I was out of control, I had Jason not do what I thought he should, I cannot do the exercise that I want to and life at work got down and dirty with bitchiness that I dont want to be a part of but I am by default while I try to work out why it is happening and give support to my colleagues. All in all, an emotional roller coaster. Riding the waves is not as easy as it has been in the past. And culturally speaking food is often the way we connect with others. Is this an excuse? Not really, it is my job to find that connection with others and if I have to do that with food then that is the expectation. I hate myself for it, I need to find yet more compromises. I have to say though, that while I do this for connectedness I overdo it for my greed! Yes, I could stop at one biscuit, but I stop at six. I could stop at a bit of a biccie and make it last but I stop at six.
I must regain control of my life! regain control of my eating! regain control of my exercising. After three rounds with Michelle helping me get into the drivers seat I seemed to have fallen into the back seat and I am hurtling out of control. Seriously I cant even say this started Saturday with the chest pain, that is just when it became clearer, the feeling of out-of-controledness. hmmmmmmmmmm! Help me, I am falling in a heap.
So, the start of getting my life back on track was to begin the exercise again. I ran this afternoon, I never run in the afternoon but it was somewhere to start. I only ran a short distance and ran around the park with the kids. I killed off 230 calories but given the amount of liquorice I consumed I doubt it made much of a difference to my weight. Thank God it makes a difference to my mind set. Well it was a start. Now to get through the night! And another day tomorrow where I can get back into it and NO MORE BLOODY EXCUSES. They really dont help.