You see, I think I am always going to be an emotional eater AND when I do that I feel even worse about myself and I dont blog and I dont go on the forums or twitter or even facebook. I feel bad! I am not so sure that 12wbt helps with this or makes me feel worse. When you make a commitment and you are not doing the hard work and you are finding the excuses everything falls apart and then................I eat. Is that a surprise. So how to get out of this funk. Maybe I need more solutions to those excuses. A big one right now is 'it hasn't started yet' just one more week wont hurt but of course I am not going in the right direction of weightloss. And why do all these other 12wbters go in the right direction while I am being left behind.
YOu know I am watching TBL for the first time ever and I am crying a lot through it. Unfortunately I recognise myself in the Sharlene's and the Greg's and after all this time I would very much like to know why I am not further along in my mind changing process.
I still want health and longevity as my main focus and goal. It is really important to me, but sometimes that damn demon black dog gets hold and sometimes that means I dont want longevity at all. When those chest pains struck I was readying myself to die, I couldn't move and no one was running for the telephone to get help. I still dont know why no one actually cared but I stopped caring about myself again now. And it is making me feel dreadful. I am crying now because I finally realised just how much this hurts me. No one actually cared when I thought I was dieing and the next day when the pain was still there and I called for my own help and I went to the hospital my husband came and slept beside me. I dont think anyone cares if I live or die, so why should I?
Who am I do ing this for anyway? I think it is time to reevaluate everything. I am stuck. AND I am eating along with my stuckedness. I have a dreadful feeling this is going to be a very very hard round if I keep blogging and being so honest. Now I have a headache and I cant stop crying. Great day!