My 12wbt Round 1 2011 goal

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Finally beginning to see the light

So I bought the Crunchtime book (already had the recipe book which I use all the time) and I began to read. Holy Cow, how does the beautiful, skinny, fit Michelle get inside my head again and again, now in book, twitter, forums, podcasts, again and again. She is one amazing woman.

I think I had a break through moment yesterday.........I think (actually I am certain but lets go with think for the readers) I play the victim. Now there is a big part of me worrying about failing, even after the massive weight loss last year, even though I am still moving and eating right. I mean I might not be loosing but neither am I gaining. So not sure about that. Nonetheless it is time to man up to my victim stuff. Afterall, I am letting myself be the victim when I emotionally eat because I felt shitty, had a bad day whatever and I blame Jason for bringing the food in the house in the first place. If only it never came in at all. Even so, as I write this I have an overwhelming desire for chocolate, not because the day was bad, on the contrary, bootcamps make for awesome bloody good big buscuit days. I love bootcamp days. Looking forward to another next week.

I am overweight because I overeat
I overeat because I can blame it on anyone but me and get away with it, or better yet not even be found out. I overeat because I am weak, I blame it on a situation rather than take control. I overeat because it feeds my delusion that I am a victim. I turn to food when things go wrong because it is a way of punishing myself, to fail is to fail, it hurts but sometimes I dont feel worthy of winning (anyone say victim?). I care, I really care. I hide my eating so as to pretend to myself it is not happening and I beat myself up because I know I can do better. I haven't put weight back on this time because I am learning and I have been taking a lot better care of myself since Mich gave me the 12wbt. Time to find another way to deal with crap.

I absolutely commit to the 12wbt and intend to follow it as closely as I can to maximise my weight loss. Getting the healthy bmi is the goal.

I must control all emotional eating and it starts today.

Boot camp was awesome smashing 700+ cals, eating was controlled today and definitely stayed under 1200cals. I love it when I get it right.

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